My friend, Vivian, studied the pioneering approach to hypnosis by Dolores Cannon called Quantum Hypnosis Healing Technique (QHHT) and asked me if I wanted to do a session when she came through Dallas. I agreed and was eager to experience QHHT since I have a lot of respect for Cannon’s work.
This is an account of my QHHT session and my reflection upon the main lesson I learned. I will describe as much as I can remember and given the days that have passed since the session, I hope that this post will be able to both capture the details as well as provide some analysis that comes from a little distance of time. Doing trance work is not new to me and I am also a fairly experienced meditator having done daily Centering Prayer now for five years.
I lay in a bed and felt very comfortable. Vivian has a good voice and presence for this kind of work and she knows how to pace and tone her voice so that it helps effectuate the kind of trance needed for hypnosis. As she started, I was very aware of the dynamic that was going on. She was sitting to my right, her voice was coming from that direction, external to me. I say that because by the middle phase, the stark separation of the particularities faded into a fusion and though I was aware of Vivian’s voice guiding me, there was less an external nature to it, but more of a synergistic union.
She began with guided imagery that culminated by placing me on a cloud, and riding that cloud for a distance as I went deeper into trance. I say here that throughout the entire session, I never lost complete awareness of what was going on. Forgive my clumsy description, but it was as if the left lobe, the logical side of things, moved from its parallel position to the right lobe and took it’s place directly behind it. I retained my use of memory and attention to the process while allowing my unconscious to flow through my right brain more directly so that its filter, being that of imagery and archetypes, could translate the energetics that were being tapped into through the procedure.
Back to the cloud. Upon the cloud, Vivian asked me to look down and see below me the
Earth’s landscape. She was preparing me to descend to a past life that my Higher Self deemed important for my third density mind to examine. I noticed below me the landscape of a lifetime that I had already explored and was not interested in seeing that life again. I was worried that I would be jarred out of trance due to my resistance of this scene. I decided that I had the power to surrender deeper into trance, so I let go and went further down and in, using my intention to do so. The experience of this digging felt like someone was positioned above me on the bed and had a kind of press placed on my body, especially my face. In my insistence of deepening, that “someone” turned the tourniquet and I actually felt the pressure pushing me down, down, and inward until I saw blackness and felt a void.
Landing in a Past Life
At this point, she instructed me to move down from the cloud and begin approaching the ground below. I very quickly found myself standing in the middle of a cobbled street made of ruddy, brown, and well-worn stones. I was looking at my feet which, like the rest of my skin, was moderately brown. I was wearing leather sandals and my clothes were unbleached robes in layers. I looked around and saw I was in the middle of a market place with venders selling fruit and other common wares. The details of the scene became quite vivid and included sight, smell, noises, and even the feel of the air.
Vivian’s voice instructed me to find my home. I concentrated and found myself walking off a dusty road and standing in front of a simple home with stucco-like walls and clay-covered thatched roof. I walked in and saw a very well-worn, simple rug that had a red tint and a decorative pattern. I walked through the main area and into the kitchen which was largely open without a roof. There was a charcoal fireplace where food was prepared including a kind of pita bread. I saw my wife and two children, a girl and younger boy. I could hear chickens and goats outside of the kitchen which overlooked a pasture of scraggly landscape. I realized that I was a goat herder and my role was to herd the goats that belonged to my extended family members as well as other neighbors in that part of the village. I enjoyed being a herder very much as it afforded solitude in which I found myself communing with God. I was a simple, humble, Jewish peasant who loved a very mystical life.
The Voice instructed me to go to an exciting day in that lifetime. I immediately found myself back in the hustle and bustle of the market place. There was a man walking there whose back I saw. He was wearing new, unbleached robes and walked with a simple staff in his right hand. He had companions, other men, with him who were attempting to provide a bit of a buffer between him and the people in the village. There were two women, one older and one younger, who walked behind him. They were a part of his party. I could not see his face, so the Voice asked me if I could maneuver myself around in order to catch a glimpse. I ran down a street to my right which I knew that would intersect with the main street where he was walking. From there I could see his face. I raced on and got there well ahead of him. I saw that he was smiling and chatting with his friends in a carefree manner. He kept his eyes mostly on the road but would look up often at the people and gaze at them, acknowledging their presence and mutually honoring them as they honored him.
He peered to his right and made eye contact with me. The gaze was held between us longer than a casual glimpse. I felt a penetration into my very soul and I was struck breathless, amazed at how familiar his presence was to me. The look that I received was not of a stranger but of someone whom I have always known. It was as if that gaze simply provided a spotlight upon an invisible, unbreakable tether that connected us. Indeed, it seemed that we were two nodal points in a web of connectedness, of union, and our mutual gazing tugged on this string, yanking at my heart. Instead of pain, the quick yank sparked a joy and recognition of the exact same kind of intimacy I knew in my solitude with God during my daily sojourns in the fields as a village goat herder. It was all of one piece, one energy, one union.
I followed this man and his entourage just outside the main part of the village where there was an open field. He sat upon a stone in order that all could see and hear him. I sat about 30 feet away to his right, about at the ten o’clock position. He began speaking in a manner that surprised me. He spoke of how the poor, people like us, were actually blessed and that God cared about our cares. In my left part of my brain, that anchored me to my present-day third density space-time embodiment, I recognized the themes as being Beatitude-esque. Yet, simultaneously, as this goat-herder, I was hearing these words for the first time, with a joyful bewilderment. I had never heard of a man of authority, a teacher, speaking in such a way as to make God and our faith tradition come alive and feel so immediate. In fact, I was astonished that his words and apparently intimate relationship with God stirred in me the same intimacy and warmth I felt towards God especially in the solitude of goat herding. I just had never heard someone articulate so clearly and simply the selfsame communion that I knew on an experiential level.
I left to gather my family and returned….. [BAM]
…[LOUD NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND] Back in the room where I was laying in trance, the noise of a video came on. I drew out of the trance slightly and the images of my goat-herding lifetime were fading a bit. I let the noise go and made the intention to reconnect fully with the imagery and thus, through will, I surrendered to the moment and deepened my trance. The video noise was turned off and the Voice invited me back into the scene and asked me to describe what I was seeing. (After the session was over, Vivian told me that the noise I heard was the TV in the room suddenly turned on even though the remote was no where near her. Inexplicable…)
By then, there were many others and we had to sit farther back in the crowd. He was winding down his talk and invited us all to connect with God in a new kind of way. He modeled a familiarity with God, whom he called “Abba,” (Daddy) and spoke about praying for what is needed just for the day. He spoke about forgiveness in that we are to forgive others as God, who loves us, forgives us. The whole of the experience of what my left brain registered as the “Our Father,” was again, new in the ears of this goat herder.
I returned home and sat in the kitchen, by the wall, deep in reflection. I could not be stirred even through the joyful din of my kids playing in the main room and my wife cooking and interacting with them. I was reeling from the experience. Of the intimacy. Of the familiarity. Yes, I was perplexed at the wonderment and mystery of the day, and of the man.
The Voice then invited me to go to end of this lifetime. I saw myself on a blanket, resting on the floor. The room was dark and I was sick with some sort of lung disease. There was a smoldering fire in the background and my wife, two grown children, and a few young grandchildren were surrounding me. My time had come. I died and I turned to see my body. I saw my wife was resting her left hand on my right shoulder and chest area. She was gently crying and my son had his left arm draped on her shoulders. He was holding my daughter, his sister, with his right arm. My face was old and wrinkled, shriveled with short gray hair on my head and a little on my face. My mouth was slightly open having just exhaled my last breath and my eyes were mostly closed.
Life In Between Lives
I felt free from body aches and turned around so that my gaze now looked “up.” I saw a tunnel of white energy and then a golden light at the end. I raised up through the tunnel at a slow pace, not in a hurry to move through. I felt very free and I could dictate what happened next.
When reaching the end of the tunnel, I found myself in a huge vertical cylinder with a massive golden column right in the middle, which provided the golden light that I saw from the far side of the tunnel, just after dying. From my vantage point I could see hundreds of entry ways above and below me, each one leading to another life that I had or would live. I knew that I could explore any one of these lifetimes if I chose. I decided to ascend up the cylinder. The higher I rose, the more angelic the realms felt. The color of the tunnels were whiter, bluer, more violet. I chose not to enter them either. I then exited the cylinder and found myself in blackness. It was as if I were in space but I did not see stars. I saw that I was energy, itself… violet energy. I felt that I was a part of Source; that I was awareness, itself, without self-identity. I’ve experienced this before, often during Centering Prayer. There was no feeling, no idea, no thought, that I experienced. I did not stay long.
I re-entered the cylinder below me and decided to see what the golden column in the middle of the cylinder had in store. I entered it and saw that I was a sphere or orb whose color you would get if you mixed golden, yellow, red, and orange light together. I saw other three other sphere beings in front of me, also the same color. We were all inside another huge sphere, of the same color. That sphere had an outer layer that was tumultuous and highly energetic. It seemed as if we were inside of the sun somehow. I recalled at that moment with my logical mind simmering on the back burner that Ra, in the Law of One, spoke about how six density generative love can be manifested as part of the sun. Here is the Law of One quote:
Ra: I am Ra. In this density some entities whose means of reproduction is fusion may choose to perform this portion of experience as part of the beingness of the sun body. Thus you may think of portions of the light that you receive as offspring of the generative expression of sixth-density love.”
The Voice asked to speak to my Higher Self. I acknowledged that the “who” that was speaking was my Higher Self. She asked for more details about my existence. Interestingly, from this sixth-density position, I spoke mostly using the plural pronoun, “we.” I articulated that we saw ourselves as gardeners of God’s becoming. We understood that we were part of God’s active principle and helped “grow” Godself in God’s eternal creative expression. We “herded” energy, which was simultaneously God’s Spirit and our own, and helped it unroll, unfurl along its own path. Our herding or gardening of God’s Spirit strictly followed divine laws, chief among them was free will. It was our great joy, honor, and responsibility. There wasn’t an urgency or burden about it because we knew that we were in God, a part of God, as God doing God’s work of self-expression. The buck stopped with us in this section of the God’s Body. We retained self-identity and knew ourselves both as a collective and as individuated parts of the whole.
I then understood that the life that I was shown as a goat-herder was my first life on this third density planet. In fact, I was given an easy assignment my first lifetime, a simple one that afforded ample time for heart-to-Heart communion during the solitude of my role as a shepherd. I also saw that there was a direct parallel from my sixth density self’s vocation as a gardener which cared for life in the less developed densities, particularly third density sub-sub logois who were poised to awaken to their divinity. In the life as a goat-herder, I was caring for second density life and thus felt at a subconscious level that I was involved in the same herding archetype.
I also understood that I belonged to a team composed of thousands of others who came in with Yeshua to help anchor in the higher energetics that the Logos was doing through this Event. I saw at a metaphysical level how I was part of a divine matrix, a beautiful geometric pattern, that centered around the Logos through Yeshua. This explained the perfect familiarity that I felt when he gazed at me. I subconsciously recognized the Event and that I was a part of it.
The Voice then asked a question that I had expressed prior to the trance. That is, “Where does my shame in this lifetime come from?” In truth, I’ve always battled shame and strong self-doubt since I was quite young although I’ve only recently been able to articulate this energetic recently after having explored the amazing work of Brene Brown. The answer that my Higher Self gave is still something through which I am sifting and trying to make sense in everyday language. The gist of it goes something like this.
My primary vocation on earth is now, and always has been throughout other lifetimes, to help anchor in the new and powerful energy that the Logos ushered in through the Yeshua Event. Like all Wanderers, my primary role is higher energy transmission and
lower energy transformation through presence and active expressions of love. Secondly, I am to share the light of God with others and the planet. However, upon this planet, there are solid thoughtforms created by humanity over thousands of years of belief systems and reality lenses. These thoughtforms are not judged as bad or good but unique to this planetary environment. However, in my third density brain and consciousness in this lifetime, it has been hard to navigate the confluence of hard and fast collective thoughtforms with the freer and less dense thoughtforms and energy of my home density. I am very aware that I am not alone in this struggle.
Because I am a sensitive person, an intuitive empath (like so many others), it has been difficult on this side of the veil of forgetting to, as the Serenity Prayer dictates, have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. For years, I struggled to understand my truth and when one does not have a strong self-identity, then we opt for False Selves that may serve momentarily to cover up the raw longing to be one with all things. But at some point, we must drop and continue dropping egoic personas because we have a constant ache to live our Truth, to embody our True Selves, here and now. To speak in such a way is difficult because it can come across to others as neurotic at times. Add to this, the metaphysics of being light-bearers in a world held tightly by strong, barely permeable reality bubbles that don’t let much light in so the people have grown accustomed to the dim, and the sensitive person whose role it is to shine has a real struggle.
For me, the struggle has caused blockages in my chakras, and those blockages are experienced in an affective way as shame. At different times and at different chakra levels, I experience shame as, in the words of Dr. Brown, “…the intensely painful feeling that [I am] unworthy of love and belonging.” Because I (and so many millions of others) have come to Earth from a density of union and unity, the entre into a plane where the mind primarily sees separation creates in me an overwhelming desire to fit in, to recapture communion. But fitting in is different than belonging. The former is mired in shame and demands that we shift our identities to match the environment, like emotional chameleons. Belonging is different and for me, it means that I remember that I am coming from union with God and entering here and now as an extension of God’s light. If God is a sun, I am one of God’s ray. Once I reclaim that level of belonging, and for me, nothing else will satisfy, then I feel that I belong everywhere and I can enjoy the present moment and all of my loved ones. I can give and receive love without shame. I can share my Truth and I do so with wisdom, choosing when, where, and with whom I will be vulnerable. I feel very worthy of love and feel shame resilient, too.
The Voice asked my Higher Self, what is something that Doug can do in this lifetime to mitigate shame’s presence? The answer: faith. I saw a vision when my mouth uttered those words. I envisioned my third density, Doug-self, reaching out through my heart to tap into and perceive the Golden Light and Energy that is natural to my home condition.
It is the energy of God as filtered through the sixth density and by the faculty of faith, I can re-member, re-cognize, re-ligio (reattach) my third density, seemingly separate self, with my sixth density self and with God. Faith in my mission to be light for others, faith in receiving light from others, faith in the beauty and purpose of the veil, faith in the ingeniousness of this third density experience, faith knowing I can set boundaries while being vulnerable, faith that I am led, and faith that any expression of love makes a difference, all of these will help me to navigate shame and see it’s occasional flare-up as an opportunity for self-growth and deeper surrender.
By this time, I heard the Voice calling me back into the room, back into my body. I slowly twitched my fingers and found them very stiff. I was taken aback because I had felt totally comfortable as if I were still floating on a cloud, but once aware of my body and awake, I was stiff and sore. Vivian said I was out for an hour and half.
I am grateful to Vivian for guiding me during this session. I have had a chance to reflect upon the experience and I’d like to share some concluding thoughts. If the reader asked themselves, “Aren’t we all called to be light-bearers for others, to bring God’s light into this world?” “Don’t we all have struggles with shame and blockages?” “Don’t we all search to belong and connect with others, with the planet, and with God?” “Doesn’t my own faith tradition teach pathways to union with God?” The answer to all of these questions is, “YES!”
This QHHT session did not teach me anything that I haven’t already felt very deeply and experienced both in exoteric searching (conventional faith and counseling) and esoteric searching through delving into sources such as the Law of One, Dolores Cannon’s work, trances, mystical encounters, and energy work. This statement is not meant to denigrate techniques such as QHHT at all, in fact, it confirms what I already knew, and that is a great service for I am very grateful.
Here’s the bottom line for me. I can tell you from personal experience that there is nothing “up there” in the higher realms that isn’t accessible “down here.” In fact, I’d put all of my etheric journeys, metaphysical skills, and the facticity of being a Wanderer as a distant second to what I can access and encounter right here and now with an open heart. Truthfully, like many of you reading this, I am very aware, more than ever now, that the fullness of the divine encounter– the hot, radiant intimacy that burns with the sweet joy of union– can be accessed through this third density experience which includes my body, my environment, and other people, who are other cells in the this Larger Body.
There is no need to “wait” for anything. We can deal with our blockages now through even conventional means and surrender into the larger reality. Maybe for some of us, we feel a need to catch a glimpse of the so-called higher realms and encounter our Higher Selves in order to “come back” to our third density experience with renewed hope and purpose. However, if we feel that we can’t really get the wheels going here in this third density experience until we see for ourselves from whence we came with all of that glory and magisterium, then we are putting off experiencing the fullness of encountering the Plenum, the Divine One, who is disguised as the present moment. Instead of seeking up there, we can see clearly right here.
And this is the joy of it all, once we see God in us and in our world, even through the brokenness, we desire to be the agents of bringing the Kingdom here. In fact, we understand in a real way that we are the answer to the prayer that is right there in the Our Father…. “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is heaven.” We are the bearers of the coming of the Kingdom, we are the instruments through which the will of the Logos is done on Earth. And how shall we do this? Concisely put, we help identify constraining programming that keeps people trapped. Secondly, we embrace our very particular vocations that each one of us has to bring about the release of the programming. Some of us will choose more nuts and bolts engaging. Others choose to dialog with religious and spiritual systems. All of us are engaged in social justice issues. Each of us has a unique role in helping humanity squirm free from the old cocoon and fly into the next spectrum of collect consciousness.
I’ll end with this. I agree with many before me who have articulated the fact that living a fully human life that is alive and wholehearted is actually not a sign of a person on their “way up” through the densities. In fact, it very well may be a sign that the full journey– one that Ra indicates is a multi-billion year experience– is coming to a conclusion. In other words, for us metaphysically inspired folks, many of the people you have met who are learning to live in a full, wholehearted manner, and it is just so apparent that they are true lights shining brightly may, in fact, be true Masters of the highest levels in the highest realms who have come to conclude their journey before moving to seventh density, or even leaving the Octave. Maybe you are one of these Masters. If you are, then none of what I have written in both my QHHT session nor in my reflection, is of any surprise or anything new. But you will also know deeply that you are not unique nor special in an elitist way. You’ll be humble, open, loving, vulnerable, and strong*.
To all of us– all of you other-God-Selves– may we shine today! Let us love and struggle, surrender and praise unity with gratitude for the experience of all it. For we are Spirit enjoying manifestation and it is our honor and duty to plant seeds and garden God’s Spirit in God’s unfurling of Self through eternal creativity. We are agents of the Infinite Creator’s experiencing Ourselves.
(*) 74.11 Ra: I am Ra. The heart of the discipline of the personality is threefold. One, know yourself. Two, accept yourself. Three, become the Creator.
The third step is that step which, when accomplished, renders one the most humble servant of all, transparent in personality and completely able to know and accept other-selves. In relation to the pursuit of the magical working the continuing discipline of the personality involves the adept in knowing itself, accepting itself, and thus clearing the path towards the great indigo gateway to the Creator. To become the Creator is to become all that there is. There is then no personality in the sense with which the adept begins its learn/teaching. As the consciousness of the indigo ray becomes more crystalline, more work may be done; more may be expressed from intelligent infinity.